Adolescence, Emotion, and Everyday Decisions
As a psychologist, I often hear adults say some version of:
“They know better… so why do they still do this?”
It’s a fair question, and it usually comes from frustration rather than criticism.
The short answer is that during adolescence, knowing and doing don’t always line up in the moment, and that has a lot to do with development.
Life with an adolescent can feel emotionally demanding in ways that are hard to explain to others. There are moments when a young person appears thoughtful, reflective, and capable, and others when reactions feel sudden, intense, or out of proportion. Conversations that begin calmly can escalate quickly. Decisions that seem obvious to adults may be dismissed or ignored. In these moments, concern often mixes with doubt.
Much of this experience, however, reflects the reality of adolescent development rather than a lack of insight, values, or motivation.
When Behaviour Feels Inconsistent
In everyday life, adolescent behaviour can appear uneven and contradictory. A teenager may show responsibility and awareness in one situation, yet act impulsively in another. The same young person may make considered choices when alone, but behave very differently when emotions run high or peers are involved.
For adults, this inconsistency can feel confusing and personal. It may seem as though the adolescent is choosing when to care or deliberately ignoring what they already understand. From a developmental perspective, however, these shifts are expected. They reflect a system that is still learning how to manage emotion, attention, and social pressure in real time.
What Is Still Developing Beneath the Behaviour
During adolescence, emotional experiences tend to feel stronger and arrive faster. Excitement, anger, embarrassment, and the need to belong can quickly take centre stage. At the same time, the ability to slow down, pause, and think ahead is still developing.
This means that adolescents are often capable of understanding rules, risks, and expectations, yet struggle to apply that understanding consistently in the moment. The gap between knowing and doing is not experienced as defiance. It is experienced as difficulty holding everything together when emotions are high.
Why Emotion and Social Context Matter
Adolescent behaviour is especially sensitive to context. Social situations carry emotional weight, being watched, evaluated, included, or excluded matters deeply at this stage of life. When others are present, feelings can intensify and the space for reflection can shrink.
In these moments, behaviour may be guided more by immediate emotional signals than by longer-term thinking. Choices can shift quickly, sometimes surprising both the adolescent and the adults around them. What looks like a poor decision from the outside often reflects how much the system can manage at that point in time.
What Helps Behaviour Hold Together
Adolescents practise emerging self-regulation best in environments where emotions are acknowledged before behaviour is addressed. When adults focus first on helping emotions settle, young people are more able to reflect, take responsibility, and learn from what happened.
This does not mean removing boundaries or lowering expectations. It means recognising that timing matters. Conversations about consequences, responsibility, and change are most effective once emotional intensity has eased and the adolescent has regained a sense of balance.
A Shared Developmental Process
Understanding adolescent behaviour does not make parenting or professional work effortless. Frustration, worry, and moments of uncertainty remain part of the experience. But a developmental lens can soften how these moments are interpreted.
For adults, it reduces the urge to assume intent or personalise behaviour. For adolescents, it creates space to practise skills that are still under construction within relationships that remain steady, even when behaviour wobbles.
Comments
Post a Comment